Agent YAAGTM calling Agent Baboon

The package has been safely collected.


3.11.03 11:10


And then it's over...

...and it's like Kevin Costner's Waterworld in your pants.


Time for life to return to normality. No more binge drinking. No more ancient Greek. No more rolling around in sand.


*sigh*


I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll investigate that black box in the corner of my living room. Word has it that it shows flickering, moving pictures. I'm a bit sceptical. And there's also apparently a place known as a "Super-Market" that sells food other than chips and cornish pasties. Again, I'm not sure whether I believe it.
3.11.03 13:31


Looking good

The Head of Legal just walked by and commented on how tired I look. This despite liberal application of YSL Touche Eclat. I must be knackered. It's always nice when your co-workers notice stuff like that.


"Christ, good night last night? You look rough as biscuits."


"Weren't you wearing that top yesterday? Didn't make it home again?"


"You look like death."


Yeah, thanks. Maybe if you didn't make me come into this office every day to stare at a computer screen and talk to cretins on the telephone I wouldn't look so cruddy. Maybe if you want me to look like a matinee idol every day you should pay me more and allow me to come in at noon. Maybe you should just let me go home right now.


I'm off to get a coffee...
4.11.03 12:18


Get your mouth round this

Okay, here are a couple of tongue-twisters I want everyone to have mastered by the end of the day:


The skunk sat on the stump. The skunk thunk the stump stunk, and the stump thunk the skunk stunk.


and, my personal favourite in terms of inadvertent swearing:


I've got a punt, it's a square cut punt - not a punt cut square, but a square cut punt.


Heh heh. You said a rude word.
5.11.03 11:35


Hell is here. We're living in it. We just don't know it yet.

There's something about digital TV that really depresses me. So many channels, so much junk. Today I saw the ultimate in pointless programming.


A colleague was scrolling through the channels on Sky, and came to Nation 277. Which was showing an image of a studio that was empty save for a tv monitor, a big red star and a table. "What the hell is that?", I ask.


Apparently, to get your "EPG Listing" (i.e. to get on Sky) you only need to have 12 hours' worth of 'original programming'. A week. And original programming can be a single fixed camera shooting footage of an empty studio.


WHAAAAAAT??!


But it got worse. As I watched, mesmerised, a guy in a security guard uniform and outrageous fake moustache walked in. He was obviously just a member of the production team. He wandered about the set a bit, shouted something barely audible through a megaphone, answered his mobile, then wandered off again. Back to empty studio.


Christ Almighty. Is this what Logie Baird hoped for when he invented television? It makes me want to go out and smash things.
5.11.03 13:14


Nurse Yags

The very sexy French bloke from my office has just sliced his finger open in a particularly gruesome way. And I bandaged it up for him, ignoring the blood that was pumping all over my desk.


Maybe now he'll fall in love with me. Like soldiers did with nurses in the War.


*sigh*
5.11.03 17:56


Too tired to write anything today

Normal service will resume shortly, as soon as I figure out what "normal" means.
6.11.03 12:04


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